wear a tall hat like a druid in the old days

[minkhollow]

Returning to this, since I think I've finally figured out the last verse. This is still all gehayi's fault, by the way.

chorus:
We are the Wizards Who Don't Do Anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you: We don't do anything!

Well, I've never been to Wiltshire
Or to Ottery St. Catchpole
And I've never hidden treasure in a private Gringotts vault
And I've never been to Tinworth
And I'm not from Godric's Hollow
And I've never been to Scotland in the fall!

(chorus)

Well, I've never hit a Bludger
And I've never chased a Quaffle
And I've never won at Quidditch 'cause I've never flown at all
And I've never used a Portkey
And I've never owned an owl
And I've never been to Scotland in the fall!

(chorus some more)

Well, I've never hatched a dragon
And I've never fought dementors
And I've never killed a basilisk beneath a bathroom stall
And I've never freed a house elf
And I've never fled a werewolf
And I've never been to Scotland in the fall!

(bridge, which can probably be ad-libbed as performers see fit; if in the style of the Relient K cover, though, "Who be this Order of the Phoenix, and why be they so terrible at planning?" should be in there.)

Well, I've never ridden thestrals
And I've never found a Horcrux
And I've never seen the future lurking in a crystal ball
I haven't used the prefects' bathroom
And I don't look good in dress robes
And I've never been to Scotland in the fall!

(chorus once or twice more, as is deemed suitable)

Comments

[day-pirate.livejournal.com]

Totally for the win.

Could we discuss the possibility of me ganking this for a Rocky preshow?

[minkhollow]

I should think we can, yes. XD

Ride a white swan like the people of Beltane

[fujinsama.livejournal.com]

Not sure what it's a filk of but awesome anyway.

[minkhollow]

The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything. V. silly Veggie Tales song (if you go a-hunting, look for the Relient K version; punk cover!)
But MORE IMPORTANTLY, you picked up on the T. Rex quote! It pleaseth me immensely when people know the obscure things. (Also in the back of my head T. Rex = wizard rock, so. XD)

[fujinsama.livejournal.com]

I'll look for the punk cover. :D

I ADORE T-Rex! And Glam rock in general. So it thrills me when I see anyone quoting it. :D Oh I agree with you. I played a teenage Rosmerta once, and she was a huge glam fan. Except Steve Harley was her favourite.

[minkhollow]

I just got to thinking about it, and went '...so here we have lyrics riddled with spells, hydras, vampires, whathaveyou... and an album called Futuristic Dragon. Clearly there is a wizard involved somewhere.'
That and the mental image of Mrs. Black having to put up with it because it was one of few things Sirius liked that had 'acceptable' provenance... well, yes. XD

[fujinsama.livejournal.com]

Mark Bolan was secretly a wizard! Hell, perhaps most of the glam rockers were. It would explain a lot of the lyrics, not to mention the clothing and makeup. Wizards have never been great at pretending to look like Muggles.

That has GOT to be written or played out somewhere. I see earplugs involved.

[minkhollow]

I've actually worked a theory out re: Marc Bolan. French family, decided between the Grindelwald stuff and that idiot Muggle in Germany causing trouble they'd be better off cutting their losses and moving to England, sent kid to Hogwarts where someone pointed him toward rock and roll... the rest is history.

I haven't played it out, as such, but I've had a chance to bring it up in game-play lately. So it could yet become backstory, and probably will at some point.

[fujinsama.livejournal.com]

Your theory wins ALL.

Really? That's really cool. Can you link me to it?

[minkhollow]

It hasn't so much panned out to anything yet, but the post it comes up in is here. I saw a chance and figured I might as well take it.
Re: the House comment, I didn't so much get that far other than a brief bout of 'well, the rock star thing would cover ambition nicely...' But I think I like your suggestion better.

[fujinsama.livejournal.com]

Forgot to ask, did you figure out a House for him as well? If not, I highly suggest Ravenclaw. Those lyrics couldn't have been written by anyone in any other House.

[yourebrilliant.livejournal.com]

This is made of win and dipped in awesome sauce. Has anyone recorded it?

[minkhollow]

Not so far as I'm aware.
Thanks for commenting! I'm glad you enjoyed it.