minkhollow | Reading

"How to Help the Hurting". [Coffee Shop Rabbi]

"Leonard Cohen’s final book of poetry to be published October 2018".

"Let's Settle The Hand Sanitizer Vs. Hand Washing Debate, Once And For All". [Buzzfeed]

"No Hollywood Ending: How Do I Grieve When I am Estranged From My Family?"

"IKEA Just Launched A Pet Furniture Collection, And Animal Lovers Want It All".

"Exquisite Wooden Heels Hand-Carved with Ancient Vietnamese Pagoda Techniques".

"50+ Best Wildlife Photos Of 2017 Were Just Announced And The Winning Pic Is Making Everyone Angry And Sad".

"How I Came To Understand My Adult ADHD" has popped up in multiple places over the past couple of days, despite being from 2016.

Via

muccamukk, "Death of a Modern Wolf". "Once feared, vilified, and exterminated, the wolves of Vancouver Island face an entirely different threat: our fascination, our presence, and our selfies."

"The Case of the Small Shoes —a.k.a. Survival Bias: No, people were NOT 'just smaller then.'".

Via

havocthecat, "The Kosher Salt Question". "Prized for its purity and flaky texture, kosher salt has been a home-cooking standard for decades. But the two major brands, Diamond Crystal and Morton, are very different products. Your ruined meatballs can attest."

Via

hunningham, "Pretending to be Batman helps kids stay on task".

"African Artist and Japanese Designer Create Stunning Kimonos By Mixing Cultures".

"The father of the American shopping mall hated what he created".

Definitely NSFW but an interesting read: "A decade of sex blogging" at Hey Epiphora.

"Rat Race". "Whether you see them or not, rats are usually around. They could be right under your feet, just above your head, or spelunking in the walls that separate the rooms in your home. The worst part is you would probably never know. Let’s look at what a day in the life of an average Halifax rat looks like.

Surprisingly, it’s not all that dissimilar to a day in the life of an average Haligonian human."

Current Mood: groggy

wanderlustlover

I. Nerdvana Con

This went about as well/not-well as I truly expected it to. The things that were badly planned for a first year, over all, were still badly planned for a first year (and one of them even went as unpatroned as I knew it would), but more importantly I made the decision to focus less on the con as a whole and more on the postage stamp area that is mine (/ours): which is only the Gaming Area/Gaming Committee.

Gaming went amazingly well. We had X-wing mini demo's. A game vendor who brought dice & games to sell, as well as was our awesome people who checked out both board games and card games for free play, too. We had a huge area for Intro to DND, with four different DM's running 1 hour campaigns. During the whole nine-to-two period of the 1st Nerdvana Con we never had less than 75 people in our area. It was a resounding success.

There was some incredibly inconvenient stresses with the person who headed up our committee for this last year, but it's about to be run, more specifically, by the four of us who've been around more during all the planning. During yesterday we filled two documents with how it's going to be run during the next year, too. All pro's, con's, ideas from us/the kids/the people volunteering time & product for us.

I went into the con yesterday burned out and not all that pumped (and considering the idea of not coming back at all to the big planning group or the small committee for next year), but I've come out off it proud of what we managed to accomplish for the fist year, and newly inspired for everything we can do in the next year to prep for the next Nerdvana Con.

II. Laura & Brian's Family's Halloween Lake Party

My whole party response has been underwhelming.

After two years of feeling guilty for never being able to make it to this rocking Annual Lake Halloween Party (which Amber & Laura go to, which is, I know now), run by Laura's husband's parents), I finally made it. It's out about an hour from town, and it was, undeniably, a gorgeous drive. Especially during the last 10-20 minutes of it, when everything is dips, and dales, and green rises, cutting into valleys and lake scenes.

Apparently, though, everything about party this year was bust. Everything that it wasn't, it was instead. The party usually has 60-75 people; it had about half that. The party is around a bonfire, because it's usually freezing; it was unexpectedly Texas hot even far away from the bonfire (and terribly warm near it). The party usually runs until 2-4 in the morning; we were leaving to shower and sleep around 11.

It being unprecedented, even the people who come every year were very surprised, and I've been told multiple times by multiple people 'it's never like this.'

My second borrowed DragonCon dress from Laura ended up being a bust, as the stays actually punch into the top of my thighs when I sit down. I crashed hard after the party. The nearby cabin we stayed in wasn't terrible, but the tiny place decided to not get cold and there was one glaring light through the front window, which mean after sleeping like brick, once I woke up at my normal 6, it was almost impossible to get back to sleep.

The party itself was a burst, but really the rest was just fine. It was lovely getting to hang out with Amber, Laura, and Brian, meeting Brian's parents and their friends across the way. The hours getting into perfect makeup and costumes for everyone was fun. The hot dog bar was a lovely, lovely thing, and second favorite to the venison sausage. The mule-rides were hilarious (especially when I accidentally stepped on the gas during one, and another where we were all trying to carry bottles and open drinks while going and down the hill in it).

During the same said main house alcohol raid which lead to the mule ride with the open drinks, I discovered a new alcohol I have a deep, new love for: Tennessee Fire. It's cinnamon whiskey, but it tastes exactly like a red hot. It's better than any Fireball or Goldschläger.

It was nice to have a catch-up session in general, since I don't see Amber usually during my weeks or months anymore the way it used to be daily working in the same grade-leve/department as her. It was nice to see Laura for something fun and frivolous, and not simply related to us talking about my arduous -- that are mostly rare, but highly emotional bouts on the -- path with everything revolving around my endocrinologist.

Pipe Creek is gorgeous in the blustery, just barely sprinkling morning (and now, raining!), with a riot of garden colors and a million birds singing. It really is a lovely place and I can see the appeal all around. It will be fun to come back in the spring and see the infamous St. Patrick's Day party.

We've plans off to breakfast next with all the crew out here, and then I'll be off into the rest of Insane Weekend's plans. Geek Girl Brunch will be in the middle of my day with October's Cosplay brunch, and then tonight my house is hosting a viewing party for Grand Prix Event #1: Rostelecom. More on these and other things once they've come to me.

saturnofthemoon

Thank you all for the lovely birthday wishes yesterday. I'm a little behind on replying to comments, but I'll get there.

Found on my network:

Choose five series fandoms (no peeking before you choose them), list them, and then answer the questions behind the cut.

1. Star Trek: Discovery
2. Legends of Tomorrow
3. Sherlock
4. Sense8
5. Leverage

( The Questions )

Current Mood: exhausted

lilacsigil

Title: Movement and Stillness

Characters/Pairing: Breq/Seivarden unrequited

Fandom/Universe: Imperial Radch

Rating and Content Notes: Teen

Word count: 1760

Notes: Thanks to

st_aurafina 2017.

Summary: Seivarden feels like she is still in stasis while Breq rushes onward, but there are two sides to every coin.

( Movement and Stillness )

Also at AO3

Crossposts: https://lilacsigil.livejournal.com/108363.html

umadoshi

Today's main accomplishment: getting a decent amount of manga work done despite being drained enough to wind up taking two accidental naps this afternoon. >.< I got close enough to a draft on the chunk of script due Monday that I expect that deadline'll be fine even if doing some garden work (planting bulbs and bagging up the tomato plants for compost pickup, mainly) takes up more of our time than expected tomorrow.

There are theories at the office about how much longer this stint of Casual Job will go, but what have we learned about attempting to make predictions? We'll see how it plays out.

scruloose and I have now made it as far as episode 3 of Star Trek: Disco, and we're also up to date on The Good Place. Given my work schedule(s), I'm counting it as a partial win. I really want to start in on The Gifted, though.

I haven't watched any of the anime for The Ancient Magus' Bride (either the OAV or the recently-started TV series), but in the last several days I've seen it mentioned quite a few times here and on Twitter, and that delights me. The manga series is fantastic--definitely one of my current favorites of the things I'm working on. (The other being Yona of the Dawn.) In theory I really want to watch the TV series, but realistically, I said that about the My Love Story!! anime too, and like so much other media I ~really want~ to consume, it keeps not happening.

For the longest time it felt like there weren't anime versions of any manga titles I've worked on, but it's never quite been true. I mean, Sgt. Frog had a (pretty long-running!) series and movies and all, although I gather the plots rarely adhered closely to the manga (and with that series, there's no need for them to, really); also, DN Angel got animated in some capacity (TV series?), but as I only actually worked on the final two volumes that Tokyopop released (vol. 12 and 13, I think?), it never sank in and felt like "my" series. And X has been animated twice, but I actively loathe the movie and am deeply grumpy about the TV series...

...and then there're the newer things that I keep wanting to see, but not finding time for: Arpeggio of Blue Steel, My Love Story!!, Yona of the Dawn, and now Magus are all out there. (Okay, no--I did see an episode or two of My Love Story!!, and that was wonderful.) (I feel like I might even be missing one. And now I suddenly really want someone to animate Lucifer and the Biscuit Hammer.)

Will I ever make it as far as checking those shows out for real? No idea. (I even have an ongoing Crunchyroll subscription, but I don't exactly make use of it. [Terrifying media-to-consume list, etc. etc etc.])

Last night was my fourth aerial silks class, so we're halfway through. ( It wasn't *bad*, but I also don't feel like I managed to do a whole lot )

scruloose and I are so utterly out of the gardening habit at this point. We don't have anything planted specifically for autumn, and we gave the tomato plants up for lost a couple weeks ago when I kept hearing that there was an overnight frost warning and last-ditch tomato harvesting should happen. So we did that, but since then I've been seeing local photos and stuff from gardeners carrying right along with harvesting their tomatoes etc. Next autumn we won't be so quick to say, "Oh, I guess we're done now."

A lot of the tomatoes we brought in at the abandoning-them point were still very green, but those all seem to have ripened up nicely. There's just one left now;

scruloose has been working his way through them. The plants did produce some more fruit, but

scruloose's experiment in eating one of those post-final-harvest tomatoes wasn't tasty, for whatever reason.

As a result of wandering off from dealing with the tomato plants, I should admit we've also completely slacked on dealing with the flowers. >.< Which isn't so bad for the potted annuals, because they have an expiry date, but we really need to double check what to do about the perennial bed and the potted raspberry shrub.

And whatever else happens, those bulbs need to get planted. *determined*

rosabelle

Me: I got hungry and dug out Grandma's recipes. I had not previously noticed the one called "canned string bean and pig innards casserole. The instructions are "dump open a can of string beans and cut open a pig."

Sister: WTF, Grandma.

Me: If you keep reading, it's a decoy meant to distract from the fact that it's really the recipe for a secret pineapple pie. A pie so secret we've never heard of it until now.

Sister: Yes, the deepest level of secrecy.

Me: Also, the recipe for her Jell-O salad says you can use either the small or large can of pineapple but "if it's the larger can, you can go ahead and eat some first." And includes instructions for how to fix it when you fuck it up.

Sister: Oh, that's useful. It's like Grandma knew her audience was gonna need that.

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wanderlustlover

[ Day I | Day II | Day III | Day IV | Day V ]

DAY III - Your Favorite Quote

This is still absolutely perfect and correct as the last time I wrote it.

Do I contradict myself?
Very well, then I contradict myself.
I am large. I contain multitudes.

-- Walt Whitman; "Song of Myself"

Once upon a time I was a wee wanderlust thing, still just catapulted into the world of words and books with degrees attached to them, and the marvel that I could become accredited for talking about them, knowing about them and loving them. In this land, I was asked to read Walt Whitman, again, for the third time I think. I had spent all of high school reading it twice, while preoccupied with several other worlds dreading it. So I put it off, and I put it off, and I put it off.

Finally, like the day before I had to have read the whole book again, I picked it off the table, and stared at it like I was girding myself for war, before taking it outside to lay on my back lawn, in the grass while reading, as you guessed it, Leaves of Grass which is where you will find this poem. But something magical happened that day. I fell into Whitman, or he fell into me, or we fell into each other, looking across that vast wide water, like a puzzle piece slotting into place, like a drop of water returning to the ocean, like a snow flake descending slowly and melting all at once.

Suddenly, all of it made sense. Suddenly, I could not close my eyes and I could not read it fast enough. Suddenly, I was underlining quotes, and reading it the way you learn a lover, wanting madly to suddenly know everything, and wanting in every pause to go back and trace the wrist bones and eyelashes that you just found, that could not be as fragile and perfect and unreal as they seem. Suddenly, he was speaking to me, and about me, and the world made sense through him.

There were many things that happened from there (like the fact all my Kindles are named Leaves of Grass [Insert Number] based on nine successive times the novel was republished; I'm on IV), but this quote among several favorite jumped out and stuck forever.

The moment I read these words it rang like a clarion bell, the one I'm so attuned to listening to, in my soul.

The one that said, Look, look, come and see, stop worry if other people think everything you believe does not line up. The one that said, You are larger than one big, big, big truth. The one that said, You are big enough for a million million big, big, big truths, whole unto themselves, and all holy in the their own rights, and not needing to justify themselves to each other.

And somehow it felt like Walt Whitman, speaking about himself, had given me the right to exist. To be most microscopic, and unashamedly, unapologetically, cosmically multifaceted. That it was not a shameful thing to contradict yourself. Maybe it was just a normal thing. A thing that came with setting great things side by side, like breathing and blinking at the same time, like tea and toast. Different, but beautiful things all at once. And true, true even when it wasn't beautiful.

Because it simply was. Like rain, and love.

This is definitely on the list of things I would not mind having tattooed on my skin somewhere, and it will never stop being the top of my journal now that the introduction post has it there.

( Subject Index )

Current Mood: peaceful

skygiants

After reading Ann Leckie's new book Provenance I went on Twitter and asked what you call a screwball plot if it isn't necessarily a comedy.

Like, Provenance, while frequently funny, is not a non-serious book -- it concerns itself with classism, wildly unhealthy family relationships, interstellar warmongering, fetishization of cultural artifacts, and inhumane conditions of incarceration, not to mention murder -- but the structure of the plot is very classic screwball. Misunderstandings! Mistaken identities! Brilliant[ly ill-advised] schemes colliding with each other and blowing up in everybody's face! The faint air of Yakety Sax playing frequently in the background!

Honestly it feels a lot like Ann Leckie channeling Lois McMaster Bujold, with less intense character dynamics but also fewer moments of side-eye.

Our Heroine Ingray Aughskold is the foster daughter of an elected official who has been locked in competition with her foster-brother since they were both small for the eventual goal of inheriting their mother's position. Ingray comes from a public orphanage, while her asshole abrother is the son of a wealthy family, which gives him an edge that Ingray has never quite been able to best.

CUE: Brilliant[ly ill-advised] scheme! Ingray decides to attempt to break a fellow political foster-kid, Pahlad Budrakim, out of Compassionate Removal (i.e. terrible jail) in order to learn the location of the highly important cultural artifacts which Pahlad has hypothetically stolen.

Complication: Pahlad is possibly not Pahlad, and is certainly not inclined to be cooperative.
Complication 2: The space captain who Ingray hired to get them back home is wanted for theft by an alien ambassador, who Does Not Understand Humans, and whom everyone is panicked about offending due to some Very Important Alien Treaties.
Complication 3: Meanwhile, what Ingray's mother would actually like her to be doing with her time is shepherding around some other ambassadors, human ones from a different planet, who want to do politically-motivated excavations in a local nature preserve
Complication 4: Also, someone is about to get murdered!
Complication 5: And the cop in the case has a crush on Ingray!
Complication 6: And MANY OF THE HIGHLY IMPORTANT CULTURAL ARTIFACTS HAVE DISPUTED PROVENANCE AND IT'S VERY DISTRESSING (for everyone but me, because the minute I heard that title I was like 'this had better be about cultural heritage' and LO AND BEHOLD)

((...though I did want to see a little more documented archival paperwork and process surrounding the question of the authenticity of the artifacts, but I mean, ignore me, it's good, it's fine.))

My favorite character was definitely possibly-Pahlad, with their bitter cynicism and constant challenges to everyone else to do better; wanting More Pahlad all the time was probably my biggest complaint about the book.

My other favorite character was the almost entirely useless Radch ambassador, who just did not want to be there that day. Everything about the treatment of the Radch in this book delights me. "So weird to hear this totally clueless woman speaking with the accent we're used to hearing from villains on the TV!" You definitely don't need to have read the Imperial Radch books to enjoy Provenance, but I suspect it does probably make the few Radch cameos five times funnier.

wanderlustlover

Things to do in the hour & half before I leave today and don't come back until tomorrow evening. I really should have realized these were all back-to-back, without me coming home at any point, sometime before it was five minutes-to-bedtime last night. It left me with anxiety and though I was able to fall asleep fast last night, I woke up 30 minutes before my normal alarm and could not sleep. Which, I supposed, as least gives me 2 hours to get all of the below finished.

I. Nerdvana Con (Saturday)
- Thursday: 1 page Cleric & Wizard Spells for Pregen Sheets
- Friday night: Setup
- Scarlett II Costuming & makeup
- Starbucks for life at 7am

II. Laura's Family Massive Halloween Lake Party (Saturday/Sunday)
- ~~Prep Overnight Bag (Include Meds~~, Pillow, ~~Laptop/Cords~~)
- Prep 2nd costume for bonfire-usage

III: Geek Girl Brunch, October 2018: Cosplay (Sunday)
- Reuse Scarlett II Costuming & makeup
- Prep Coloring Sheets
- Pack in Colors & Raffle Tickets
- Consider Easy Pick up Grab Bag offerings for Sunday Morning

IV. Rostelecom Party Watch (Sunday)
- Trash Out/Dishes Done
- Clean LivingRoom/Dinning Room/Bathroom
- Check Ice Network for Current(/Live Friday) Offerings

wanderlustlover

...and every compacted and impacted frustration I have with tomorrow, and all the frustrations that have led up to me wishing time would drag its feet and not bring me swiftly on the heels of my dreams to morning. All the words that have never been said, and never been needed, that have just swirled and swirling growing ever bigger behind my breast bone.

But. I am really tired. With compounds the frustration. As does needing enough sleep to get up early and do all of Miss Scarlett's costume and make perfectly, to then be basically on point, working for most of 12 hours tomorrow.

It'll keep. It's been keeping all of these months already.

And, minor plus, once it's kept still one day more, it will finally (finally) be done.

P.S. That great moment seconds later when you realize you'd forgotten you were supposed to pack in the morning an overnight bag, and a second costume, for your first Halloween Party of the season, plus the morning-after outfit which needs to by cosplay related for GGB Brunch, which is immediately followed by Rostelcom Party in your own house, that you'll only be driving between each to the next without coming home again.

Augh. More reason I need to go to sleep to get up so early and do all the things at dawn.

Current Mood: tired

wanderlustlover

[ Day I | Day II | Day III | Day IV | Day V ]

Day III - 20 Facts About Me

1. This year -- for the first time since I was 12 and received a horrible bowl cut that made me threaten to shave my head if anyone ever came near it again -- I got my hair cut. I'd done regular trims, but this was my first serious, and along with it I acquired a hair girl named Angela, whom I see about every 2-3 months.

2. I have two piercings on each of the lower lobes of my ears, the lower left of which is ripped longer than normal from a childhood bike accident. I entertain an exorbitent amount of jewelry and a lot of dangling earrings. In the times when I'm keeping my dresser neater, I use them all the time.

3. I have three tattoos. One on the outside of my right bicep: the symbol "愛" in Japanese Katakana, spoken as "Aishiteiru," or "Ai", meaning "to love," picked to match my name (Amanda/Of Love/Beloved). Two on the insides of my ankles: the right a treble clef with a heart in the middle and the left a quill pen amid writing.

4. My life used to be overflowing with religious/spiritual activity, and it’s gotten very stagnant, with nothing filling some egregious gaps that formed due to extenuatingly bad circumstances. I am in a year-long dedication to Throat Chakra (in eight years dedicated to the chakra’s, one per year). I keep the holidays, and have holiday altars, but I thirst for more lately.

5. At any given time I’m in the middle of 4-5 books (and always set myself the challenge of reading 100 books a year). I have a 40 minute drive to and from work usually running an audio book. I have the books I’m currently teaching in my AP III & IV English classes. I have a long, slow bed-table book. I have constantly filling advance readers from Netgalley & Library Thing, and newly backed publications from Kickstarter.

6. My vocabulary is deeply extensive already, to the point I throw around big words without any concerns already (and I do not audit for any audience of personage unless they are under ten), so understand the gravity of these words to come: I feel I'm re-learning vocabulary I have not used in nearly a decade in teaching AP. (Aside: I love it so much.)

7. I have lost a little sister, a parent, a grand parent, and a lover. Within these have fallen a natural passing, a ravaging disease, a willful self-suicide past rehabiliation, and manslaughter. I have lost two half decade plus best friends. I'm pragmatic prepared and realistic about my own survival in the face of the worst of grief and loss.

8. I believe in unconditional love and I have a terminal case of hope. Not optimism, but hope. I am a highly optimistic realist, but I am absolutely incapable of not hoping. Believing their is always a silver lining, a meaning to be found, lessons to be learned, a future path being warmed and prepared.

9. I love technology and I use a lot of it. Daily, I wear a Fitbit One, an Apple Watch 2, and an 6s IPhone. In my purse, I carry a Kindle PaperWhite. At home, I have a Mac Laptop, iPad 2, an AppleTv 2, Firestick, Instant Pot, and Vitamix. At work, Dell Computer, Apple Ipad, Elmo, Projector, and Laptop Cart. (I already have plans for my upgrades for iPhone X, Kindle Oasis, and AppleTv 4.) On all of these I have favorite amazing tech programs, as well, which I occasionally do favorite tech rec's.

10. I love lists and keep them everywhere, especially on notepads on my computer, on post-its notes of endless rainbow colors and shapes at my desk, and in the reminder app & notepad app of my iPhone. Without them I would forget so many things, including plans and promises, it's not even quantifiable.

11. I can't draw to save my life. Or even be granted a million dollars. It's hilarious. And sad. I am the person who can mess up stick figures. But I've mostly come to terms with it now. I once drew the picture replica of my hand, with a ring, in high school, but it was on the back of a state test booklet and I wasn't even allowed to keep it.

12. I love snow with the kind of unwavering love the moves mountains and meet money. I want to live somewhere it is negative 15 in the winter, and around 113 in the summer. So much that I experience seasonal crankiness/depressions in places where this isn't happening (such as when it's too warm to even be winter in Texas, or when it was too mild to truly ever be warm enough in the summer in Korea). I know it's not a very realistic to fill want, but it doesn't change it happening, or me loving those seasons as such.

13. I will off the top of my head when asked identify as Bisexual and Polyamorous, but it's actually a lot closer to say I'm Demi-Sexual/Pan-Sexual/Pan-Romantic than actually Bisexual. It's, also, a lot more unlikely I'll ever point out that I don't date, and won't re-date if there isn't a spark. I'm just unable to figure out dating if I'm not interested, and 90% of the time I'm not interested.

14. The flip side of the 10% though is that every single relationship in my life has been two years or longer (with only a one-girl friend caveat being below that). All of the people I've end up with pinged the interest scale so hard and so seriously that I ended up with them for a very long time. And I'm really actually okay with this system. I'd rather be with the serious-to-me people, than go through many who weren't.

15. It's not impossible for me to cry, but it is still really hard and extremely, snow in lower Texas, rare for it to happen anywhere near other people. I'm past the point where it's been years since I've cried finally, but it's still a rather low yearly number, because there are few things feel as useless, pointless, and personally messy as crying to me still. I can, when it happens, let it happen, but it still won't happen for very long. A few minutes. My logic remains strongly entrenched in the crying not actually accomplishing anything to solve the actual problem.

16. I have weak nails. I love to grow them, and tap them on things, but they will always bend, tear and break long before I have any chance to grow them extraordinarily long. I really love them painted, like really really love it, but I get really annoyed at how fast normal & gel peels off, as well as anything that ruins my actual nail by requiring someone to shave it down first.

17. My favorite forms of exercise are heavy weight lifting and swimming. I've been weight lifting for over two years now, originally with a trainer, now alone, and totally on pace with a 5x5 app. I've been swimming in a serious fashion since somewhere in the middle of this past spring, wherein I acquired all professional gear and started follow professional swims through Swim Pro, too.

18. I love music with the fire of a million suns. I think in lyrics a lot of times. I have several playlists dedicated to characters in the 300-600+ songs per playlist range (and anywhere between 1-7 playlists for any given character, with that many songs on them). I do the same with my own personal playlists and listening. I play music in my classroom all the time and my kids love that I cover the widest of unending varieties.

19. My current (and mostly long standing) vices of choice are everything/anything tea, dark chocolate (especially the Godiva Drinking Dark Chocolate at Christmas), Victoria Secret (...well, everything really; bras, underwear, sports wear, bath stuff, perfume, sleep wear), Bath & Body Works (shower gels for myself and sale lotions for my kids in the classroom), and most of all right now, any and all adorable Katsuki Yuri merchandise from Yuri!!! On Ice.

20. I have a life long thing for red-headed telepaths, apparently.

I fell in love with Ember (the not-yet-then Blood of Eleven Chiefs) at the age of about five. I fell in love with Jean Grey (of the cartoon tv shows and then the comics, later) at the tender age of nine. I fell in love with Lyta Alexander, somewhere right at the end of my teensish period, beginning of my live journal, around 17/18. I fell in love with Edward Cullen (after infecting myself with the whole 4-book series in less than 36 hours the weekend the fourth book came out, which was the week right after I finished writing my Master thesis) at 26.

( Subject Index )

wanderlustlover

Lay beside me, under wicked sky
Through black of day, dark of night, we share this paralyze
The door cracks open but there's no sun shining through
Black heart scarring darker still, but there's no sun shining through
No, there's no sun shining through

rosabelle

I cleaned up my circle a little bit. Mostly I just removed accounts that haven't been updated in three years or more but if you are still here and reading, or if I clicked the wrong thing and removed you in error, let me know and I'll fix it. ♥

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NEW PHONE WHO DIS?

wanderlustlover

I think about starting this up, taking this up, having taken it up again, a lot the last few days. It's the go-to topic in my head that is not King Lear Act I, AP Multiple Choice Strategies, or Tropes & Schemes Poetry. I've turned over and over in my head this idea I've been trying to put into words, about the glaring hole of silence in my world, in my heart, in my head.

I think about talking about feeling relieved every time I've hit send, like this iota footprint of space has cleared out from my clogged to choking mind, never quite sure how to put it into words. My last post was the beginning of my 2017 version for 31 Days of Blogging (which I've actually been working on since this morning/last night, making sure all the links were updated right, and picking pictures during work today on the side), and I thought I'd glance at my number II from 2013.

Starting out, my options, were amusing, but then I hit twelve and felt my heart stutter.

12. I write a lot. A lot. And it's true that maybe there is only one person who sees it that on a daily basis, whether that's in a game or it's in iMessage. But it's there, and I really only massively worry about how my internal barometer is doing when I stop being able to see where the massive daily/weekly outpouring of my words is.

I used to talk about this a lot. The idea words (words, words) defined where my internal barometer truly was, and you could tell something was wrong if I was quiet and not writing. It wasn't ever not true. A number of words happening in my week. Anywhere. Everywhere. I'm not writing a lot anywhere. Discourse is at a minimum. There are band-aids, but not tributaries.

The idea this silence shapes the edges of my emptiness feels suddenly deafening tonight, in these words from a me who was only saying them four years ago, four very different years ago, especially when I think about the fact 90% of the noise in my weeks, currently, is children, who need me as a teacher and don't know me at all as a singular person...

I'm not entirely willing, or wanting, to stare at the whole of this dark shape in the eyes yet. But at least I can recognize its name in the mouth of my younger self, when I feel where the sore beat of my heart thumps furiously for a moment in the clear connection to what was once far more of itself.

Current Mood: tired

wanderlustlover

Day I - Introduction and recent photo

Hi, I'm Amanda, called Amanda, who is Amare, and is recognized sort of twitter/Tumblr/fanfic/etc internet over as Wanderlustlover. I'm really good at being willing to answer any question someone poses me about myself, or take part in any discussion volleyed over in my direction, but my introduction never seems to run short, because I never seem to consider the world in concision.

My first introduction people find is the one you'll find on my journal profile;

I am ink stains and music notes; reader, writer, singer, and muse. Loves the smell of old books; entertain that which aspires to a library. Cooks a soulful yuletide bread, a mean lobster and amazing ramen mix. I am worn pages and spinning atoms; philosopher, student, and rule breaker. I adore teachers, books, classes, and homework. This is my bliss. Respect it. Challenge it. Please.

I am snowdrops in spring; horseback riding, cheerleader, girl scout turned comic manager and college salesman, seventeen-year soprano turned writer and teacher. Champions those who would challenge fear to seek their hearts and dreams content, ever-changing daily. Thinks smoking should be banned, parents taught how to raise children, and children left alone to dream.

I am silent wish, whispered prayer; dragon-protected, water-touched, moon-child, unconditional love: Amare. Four things truest- dragons, blue, three and love. I am dried leaves and exotic scents; eclectic herbologist and oiliest, sometimes Diana dedicated, Pagan. Thinks God's a man, think God's a woman; think it's silly we're trying to assign trivial things like names and genders to the great creative force.

I am Taurus with Pisces rising and five houses in Sagittarius. I am spontaneous movement and grounded stability. I am the arrow that is going. My mind is always seeking, ten thousand things in ten thousand directions. My feet, filled wanderlust, traversing new places constantly. Dreams endless, each old invoking a new star to populate my sky.

I am hawthorn tree and staunch boar; stubborn, at times unyielding. Works self into the ground at regular intervals. Willing to give everything for others when needed and not needed. Place those around me above my self. I am INFP and one; sensitive dreamer, loyal and easily wounded. Sanity is continually dependent on my car, my computer and the bed of blue.

I am sleepless nights and lines of code; geek, gamer, web creator and fangirl. X-men spectator; fan by fanatic, all around comic enthusiast. Watcher of almost all sci-fi space shows; third generation Trekkie; shameless gamer. Lover of all stories of love. I am oddity and intensity; have worked with children, elderly, handicapped, retail, museums, and comic fanboys.

I am husky fragrance and flowing form; female of the species, mostly free-spirit tomboy to slowly charming woman. Still prefers bare feet to sandals, sandals to heels, but thongs to underwear and bath bombs to soap bars. Have outgrown tank tops and discovered scarves, elegant dresses, and girl-cut shirts. Secretly entranced with becoming a girl.

I am fire's ember and phoenix's flare; posses long fuse, explosive temper and hidden scars. Still learning how to cry. Starts more things than are finished. Lives in a constant state of inspiration, gratitude, and hunger. I am a water creature; a palette of deep browns, pale pinks, and deep blues. Needs forests and oceans, needs cities and cars.

I am ever woods and crumpled papers; faithful, honest, nervous and judgmental extroverted introvert. I am understanding and hypocritical. Loving and hoping beyond reason. Forgive everything, forget nothing. Think too much about my body; yet content with my weight. Believe that all forms of falling in love and making mistakes should be embraced.

My second one, aka The Massive and Informative One, you'll find as the top first entry of both my live journal (here) and my dream width (here), which is from many years, but was mostly recently updated today/yesterday.

It comes with when, where whats of I was born, where I'm living now and with who, and then a plethora of tiny overviews of important topics: Parents & Family, Spirituality & Religion, Education, Health & Body, Sexuality & Politics, Strong Passions, Fandoms & Fannish, Places to Find Me, and Filters You Can Opt In To and Out Of.

Another awesome introduction is My Mini-Gaming Intro Link. It was made in late 2015, during my foray into some new games while partaking of fandom/gaming community involvement on Plurk (but is updated often enough).

( Some recent & relevant pictures )

( Subject Index )

fahrbotdrusilla

i would eat them if they were put in front of me, but i'd drown them in mustard (because it was a stronger flavor than ketchup).

I haven't eaten any for years (over half my life)... Aldi's had some vegan dogs and i was like "okay well kitkat is coming over this weekend"

I had one for lunch, and it was delicious... so weird. Not that it'd be a regular thing, the fact that i'm watching my health aside, i got ~~four in the package (though the internet said it's supposed to be five so maybe i miss counted?)~~* and the buns had 8 in them. Though they seem less greasy than the vegan chickn' nuggets does...

having said that, most fake foods i get is like "well kitkat could try vegan foodz maybe" and she ends up hating it (well she likes the fake chicken stuff, but hates cheese and veg burgers) and i end up loving/liking it...but if i had a grill i could easily go to aldi's get some burgers and dogs and have a vegan cook out... which no one would come to.

* it is 5, i did miss count, i just remembered being annoyed when i picked the buns up because there were 8 in it and i thought i had to freeze half the buns

damalur

@femdeku said: Hawke / Varric - "Unrequited."

Sometimes, when it was late and they were both languid and tipsy, he could get the sort of answers out of her that she would never have surrendered under other circumstances. Hawke was funny like that — you had to come at her sideways, with care, because she'd spook and bolt if you approached her head-on. It was like all the wariness, all the fear that she didn't ever exhibit in the thick of battle was saved up and brought out only when she was faced with a personal conversation. She'd be quite happy to let you think she never felt any emotions other than amusement, curiosity, and self-gratification. The rareness of it made her anger truly terrible to behold, and her grief even more terrible.

Which didn't explain how Varric had stumbled into this conversation.

It was late enough that the Herald's Rest was empty. Even Cabot had retired for the night, although not without a firm admonishment to the remaining pair still drinking by the fire. Most of the lanterns had been doused, making it seem like the only light came from the low red bank of the fire. Varric and Hawke both sat in chairs positioned before the hearth — bottle between them, legs stretched towards the heat — although Hawke's legs stretched considerably further than Varric's.

"Surely you're joking," said Hawke.

( Read more... )